I only have a few days until I’m officially a Mrs. I’m excited, but honestly I feel like all this work is a bit of a waste. Not because I don’t want to be married or because I think marriage is lame, but because spending money on something that will only be a few hours long is hard for me to wrap my head around. Thankfully we’re having a super non-traditional and small wedding, because screw the man and all that stuff. Herrball and I are getting married on the beach, so that’s super exciting. I wanted to elope so I that I wouldn’t have to actually plan anything, because I realized that once I started planning I ended up crying about something stupid. Herrball and my mom said we weren’t allowed to elope. Outvoted again, drat! We decided to compromise. Hear that U.S. Government? Compromise, it’s a thing that normal people do, take note.
So how did we compromise? Two words: Elopement plus. What is an elopement plus? Basically it’s an elopement with a few more people. I get the beach, and he and my mom get the actual wedding. We invited a little over twenty people to come to the beach with us to see us get married. I have no idea how many people will be there, though, and I am happy about that because I do not like being the center of attention. Yes, even on my wedding day. The fewer people staring at me the happier I’ll be.
Our wedding will take place on Driftwood Beach on Jekyll Island. After my 200th breakdown over trying to plan a wedding near home Herrball demanded I tell him exactly what I wanted. I have no idea how he managed to understand me when I said “I just want to get married on the beach with immediate family” with all my blubbering, but he did. From that moment forward he took charge and found a wonderful company on St. Simons Island (one of my favorite places in Georgia) to plan the wedding, although there’s really not too much planning involved with how simple and small we’re going.
Shameless plug here: The company is called St. Simons Elopements. Mrs. Pryor has been a blessing. Any questions we’ve had for her, however weird they may be, she’s answered relatively quickly, and she’s been exceedingly kind to us. I’m not one to hug strangers, but when I finally meet this woman I may do just that. If you find yourself in Georgia and wanting to get married, or if you want to get married in Georgia look into St. Simons Elopements. They also do full wedding planning, not just elopements.
For the most part people have stuck to the reasonable questions: “Are you nervous?” or “Are you excited?” But every once in a while someone inevitably asks: “So when are you having children?” Ummmm, we aren’t even married yet. Can we get married and settle down before you ask that obnoxious question, please? We currently have zero stable plans, or a permanent/semi-permanent place to live. Why in the world would we be planning on, or even thinking about, having children? We’ve talked about children, sure, but that’s something for the future. We’ve also pretty much decided that adoption is the way to go, because only one of us can physically carry
an internal parasite a baby and that one person said “OH HELL NO.” I’m not up for playing host to a being that grows inside of me for 9 months. Herrball is completely okay with adoption, which was a little surprising, but ultimately awesome. However, when I tell the people that ask me when we’re going to have children that we aren’t sure, but we’re looking into adoption eventually they always, A-L-W-A-Y-S, answer with some variation of the same thing: “Oh, you’ll change your mind. You’ll want your own children. Adoption is great, but they won’t be your children because they aren’t your own flesh and blood.”
I’m genuinely dumfounded by this, and I don’t really know how to respond. I usually say something along the lines of “well, I’m twenty-four and haven’t change my mind yet, and I’ve wanted to adopt since I was at least twelve.” I can understand that adoption isn’t for everyone, I really can, but please just shut your mouth if you find yourself wanting to say the above to someone. Really, just smile and nod your head if you want to say something like that. I want to adopt for many reasons, and regardless where our children come from, should we decide we want them, they will be OUR children. Just because they are of a different nationality, ethnicity, or whatever doesn’t change that they will be ours. They wouldn’t be less than a biological child, either. It’s weird enough that people feel like they can ask me that, but it’s even weirder, and incredibly rude, to try to change my mind or “educate” me on what it’s like to adopt–especially when none of them have adopted children. Besides not wanting to physically carry children there’s also the very real possibility that I may not be able to have children. I have an auto immune disease that can affect my ability to have children. You don’t know what each individual is going through, whether or not they want children, or whether or not they even like children so STOP ASKING PEOPLE ABOUT CHILDREN UNLESS THEY HAVE THEM OR THEY BRING IT UP. And especially stop bring it up if they’re just getting married. I feel like it’s safe to assume most individuals want to wait a little while to get their married life figured out, but if they don’t that’s wonderful too. Basically, just mind your own business and let everyone decide when or if they have kids and whether or not they adopt.