Ooooooh boy. This post has been brewing for a while, and, honestly, I wasn’t sure if I was going to write it, because, you know, I’m married and haven’t seen my ex in several years. But I decided why the hell not. Every once in a while I think on my previous relationship and think about what I (not so) secretly would like to tell him.
- Stop referring to yourself as a gentleman, especially when you are being the furthest thing from a gentleman possible.-
- Honestly if you attempt to pressure anyone into anything you lose the title of gentleman. End of story. Granted, I feel like the whole “gentleman and lady” thing is a bit archaic and filled with overly gendered nonsense. Just try to be a decent person just to be one, not for a self-imposed title of gentleman.
- Don’t trash talk guys for “not being a gentleman” when you go out and do the exact same thing when I break up with you.-
- That sorority you tried sleeping your way through hates your guts. Like, for real. I thought I didn’t like you, but the outright disgust some of them have for you puts me to shame, and those aren’t even the girls you screwed over. You spent years shit talking one of my guy friends because he was the “hit it and quit it” type, but the moment I’m done with your bullshit you turn into a very poor version of him. Good on you, I guess, for trying to find who you are, but maybe try not to slut-shame people in the future while partaking in the same activities.
- Do. Not. Guilt. Trip. People. When. They. Tell. You. No.-
- Your partner, or better yet EX-partner, does not owe you shit.
- The moment I broke up with you I no longer had to tell you everywhere I was and who I was with. Even when we were dating I didn’t owe you that information; however, because we were in a relationship and it’s nice I gave it to you. As ex’s what would make you think I had to tell you my dating plans? [For the record, even though you don’t deserve it, I had no intention on dating. I was too excited to just be single, but things didn’t work out that way]
- Respect goes both ways, asshole.
- You cannot tell me to be respectful of you and not “move on too quickly” while cussing me out and telling me how much of a horrible person I am. Shit don’t work like that. Also tacking on “I’ve had so many opportunities to move on, but I’ve waited out of respect for you” isn’t really a respectful thing to say. All you’re trying to do is make me jealous-good luck. Also, I never asked, nor expected, you to wait. Actually, I didn’t want you to, because the longer you waited around the more likely you were to hold out hope that I would come back…again. I had no intentions of that, as I told you.
- Don’t try to take mutual friends away from your ex because they need to be “good bros”
- Okay this is a super dickish thing to do, but at the same time I figured out who apparently didn’t believe we were friends to begin with.
- Thanks for taking fake friends with you when you leave.
- Again, thanks for that. I didn’t realize that they didn’t actually consider me a friend so it was good to figure that out.
- Why the HELL were you always running to other people to bitch about our problems?!
- I really want to know why everybody was always in our business. Why the fuck did everyone always know what our problems were?
- Why the HELL did you go to my roommate to ask if I was cheating…after going to several other people?
- I was in public alone, or with my roommate. I mean yeah she’s attractive, and I swing all ways, but we weren’t getting it on behind your back, not that you assumed it was her. Why would I 1. ruin my relationship (even though it was toxic for both of us) or 2. ruin my friendship with her (not always the best idea to have friends with benefits with the person you’re living with. It can get awkward.)? I wouldn’t. You were just hella insecure.
- Your trip to Chile cemented my desire to break up with you, but you somehow managed to convince me to stay in a relationship with you…again.
- Sorry, but openly flirting with other girls, having them sit in your lap, and then drunkenly not understanding why I was upset really made me not like you. Had I done any of that you would have called me a slut (haha you did actually call me that) and broken up with me right then and there. My sweet “revenge” was that our phone calls and texts cost you over $600. Screw you buddy.
- We were so horrible together.
- We should have just been friends. We were immature and and insecure. Neither of those is good for a relationship.
- Thank you.
- Yep, you read that right. Thank you for showing me how I don’t deserve to be treated. Thank you for making me realize that I’m stronger than I thought I was. Thank you for showing me that sometimes your family is actually right about your partner, and you should listen to them when they voice their concerns.
- As angry as I was (occasionally am) about our relationship I still hope you achieve everything you want in your life, and that you find the perfect person to build a life with.
I’m mildly annoyed that I never actually said any of this to his face, but hey saying it over the internet is a close second. Posting on the internet for semi-anonymous strangers to read is kind of like shouting into the void, except this one actually answers back.
In other news I believe I’ve finally worked out a posting schedule. Large posts on Sundays (time undecided) and smaller, update posts (one or two) during the week.