You can stop laughing at me any day now Universe

I swear I think my life has become a really horrible sitcom. You know the ones that  are only on at 3 in the morning when you can’t sleep and the only other option are telemmercials, but you’re not quite ready to stoop low enough to watch those yet. They aren’t even funny sitcoms. You just laugh because you’re exhausted.

I was supposed to graduate in December; however, that is not what happened…of course not. I am three classes shy of graduating. THREE FREAKING CLASSES! I mean it’s my fault. I couldn’t get my depression under control long enough to squeak by with C’s in those classes. Oh no, I got D’s, and D’s do not earn degrees, if you were wondering. Fine, time for a new plan…again. I applied for transient status at a school close to where I’m currently living. I found out that the classes I need aren’t being offered over the Summer semester, because of course they’re not. Okay, new plan: I intended to get a second degree in Art History while here so I figured I could just transfer. Both schools are in the same state so, theoretically, almost all of my classes should transfer. I’ll finish my first degree, and then complete the second. That was the plan until I started figuring out which classes I would still need to take to earn a degree at the new school. We’ll just say it was a lot of classes. So that plan went down the drain. I’m beginning to see a very depressing pattern here.

I am now on my I’m not sure what number plan. It seems like a solid plan, but then again so did the others. I’m pretty great at convincing myself something is going to be fine or work when it isn’t or there’s absolutely no way of knowing the actual outcome, so we’ll just have to wait to see how it works out. As of right now I changed my transient admission status from from Summer 2016 to Fall 2016. I’ll take two of the three classes, because OF COURSE the third one isn’t offered in the Fall (insert a series of expletives here). I will finish in the Spring, provided they offer the freaking class I need. I’ll also take German classes at the Goethe Institute in Atlanta. It’s a drive and a half, but I have the option of taking either a two week intensive course, in which I’ll crash at my parents house, or a ten week course with one class per week so the drive shouldn’t be too bad for once a week. The reason for this is two fold: 1. to hopefully make my integration easier and 2. so I can hopefully earn that damn Art History degree. I have yet to find a German university that offers a bachelors degree in Art History in English, so I’m going to attempt to become fluent enough to take classes by the time or shortly (maybe a year) after I get to Germany. Pray for me. I have no idea how this is going to work out (or what I’m doing, but that’s beside the point), but I’m choosing to be optimistic.

Now hopefully the universe will stop laughing at me and let my life proceed at a more normal pace and less like a horrible, un-funny 3 am sitcom. Seriously, I’m waiting for my life to hit cartoon status with actual ACME weights falling from the sky. It seems like the next logical step, honestly.

I hate having to admit I STILL haven’t graduated. It’s incredibly embarrassing and humiliating, but that’s just the turn my life has taken. I’ve accepted how things turned out enough to talk about it and make fun of myself,and that’s good enough for me. I will graduate, and I will get a second degree, and I WILL finally achieve my last dream. It may not be when I want it to be, but it will happen. I just have to keep at it long enough for everyone to feel bad for me and hand it to me. Joke. Really I just have to keep working until I get to where I want to be. Let’s just hope I’m not 80 and dying before that happens.

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2 thoughts on “You can stop laughing at me any day now Universe

  1. You should not at all be ashamed! I am proud of your perseverance and determination. You always make a way, and the fact of the matter is that you also had huge changes happening in your life too. Getting married, moving, moving again, and trying to figure it out is stressful. It’s no wonder you may have felt overwhelmed the last fall semester. Don’t beat yourself up over it! In the meantime, to help with German, have you tried the app Duolingo? Carlisle and and I are using it for French. 100% free and teaches from the basics to fluent levels. I actually find myself motivated to try since I started using it. Unlike in college where I disdained foreign language and failed Spanish three times hahaha. I have faith in you and your journey!

    • Oh girl, Duo is LIFE! (along with my old German textbook.) I use it for German and French, and when I’m feeling super ballsy Russian (that’s not all that often). I also make HB talk to me in German so that I can practice my listening comprehension, and I’ll reply the best I can to practice my pronunciation. I would like to avoid having a super American accent if at all possible. Granted I use “y’all” in my everyday speech so I’m sure everyone will notice. Maybe “y’all” will be my gift to German. If people start using it around me I’ll be so pleased with myself. I can definitely say this for myself: I can be incredibly stubborn. I may cry, kick, and scream the entire way through something, but I’ll finish it one way or another, dang it. Thank you for always having such kind and uplifting words for me. I truly appreciate it, and it definitely lifts me up when I’m feeling down. ❤

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