Another Depressing Post

Last week was a bit hectic. My grandfather passed away last Tuesday which meant another trip home. Sometimes the realities of the life I am choosing to lead hit me square in the face and it’s less than stellar. I knew that there would be times where I couldn’t make it home when I’m needed, but it’s still crummy. I couldn’t make it home until Thursday, the day of the funeral. HB’s work was kind enough to give him leave even though he had an important event on Friday. We were, of course, late to the funeral, and then again to the burial on Friday…be cause we got lost. That’ll happen when you’re being buried on a mountain and your GPS doesn’t recognize the address.

I don’t like funerals or death. Does anyone? But for some reason this feels different. Honestly, I believed the man was stubborn enough to outlive all of us, and I think he would have if he hadn’t had a leaky heart valve. Papa was 93. He lived an incredibly full life. He ran moonshine in his younger days, lived off his garden with his wife until she passed and then continued to garden, raised a gaggle of children, grand children, and great-grand children, lived though the Great Depression, and so much more. I think he’s more than earned the right to move on. I’ll miss him dearly, of course,–the man taught me so much, including how to play checkers…although I only beat him once. One might think you’d let a child win every once in a while, but no, he made me earn it–but my sadness is more for my dad and brother. They were so much closer to him, and he was my dad’s last living parent. I’m no good at comforting people, and they’re not really ones to sit by and be comforted. I do my best at offering ill-timed, shoddy attempts at humor, but that’s the best I’ve got. I know they’ll be okay with time, but I still don’t enjoy seeing people sad. You’d think I’d be better about comforting people then, but apparently not. If you could please send a little love and happiness my family’s way. They could definitely use it.

In honor of how much Papa loved old westerns here’s a clip of John Wayne (because he was in like all old westerns since the beginning of time it seems)

I haven’t really had the motivation to write much since we got back, hence why this post is going up on Monday instead of Sunday. I’ve just been lounging around the house like a bum. I should have a more humorous (pretty much anything is more humorous than death) post up by Wednesday. It’ll probably be a short one about my first time trying German cheesecake. I’m sure that’s got everyone just so excited to read it. (Probably not. Most people will probably roll their eyes and think to themselves “It’s cheesecake. How the hell can that be funny?” Well just wait you party poopers, just wait.)

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2 thoughts on “Another Depressing Post

  1. I’m so sorry about your loss. It takes a lot of strength to find happiness again. I’ve lost two years ago my grandmother and I clearly remember how I got the news. I was on holiday in Stockholm with my boyfriends as my parents called me.Luckily for the funeral, we both could make it back to Switzerland. Although two years had passed there are still moments where I start crying because I miss her. However, reminding myself that she had an amazing life, fought successfully against cancer and recovered from several strokes makes me forget the sad feelings.

    • Thank you so much for your kindness! My grandfather had a wild and long life. I think that’s part of the reason I’m oddly at peace with his passing. It’s very sad that he’s gone, but he’s no longer in pain or suffering so that’s good.

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